SEARCHING - MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

Over the past several years, my spiritual life has experienced a massive upheaval.  Dogma and beliefs I long held sacred have been significantly altered or revamped, and in many cases completely discarded. 

What I professed to believe and practiced nearly all my life no longer works … if it ever really did.  As one belief after another tumbled down from my mountain of dogma, I was left with a pile of broken rubble that once formed the base of my faith.  Just like the effects of a sudden avalanche, I was left shaken, both emotionally and spiritually.  How would I move forward?  How would I rebuild my faith and my spiritual foundation?  Would the new house be on more solid ground, or once again rest on shifting sand? 

In the wake of this personally calamitous and turbulent destruction, I am painstakingly, albeit with great trepidation and sometimes fear, rebuilding what I actually believe spiritually and how this manifests itself in my day-to-day walk.  I have learned that this process, like life and spirituality itself, is a journey.  And just like life, it usually traverses a long, winding path, with many twists, turns and occasional dead ends.  The vital aspect is to keep moving along the path – to keep studying, to keep learning, to keep asking questions, to keep searching for answers, to keep seeking the divine.  Again, just as it is in all aspects of life, one must continue and persistently do these things in order to learn and to grow.  Journeying along one’s spiritual path should be a lifelong adventure, with the destination never truly being reached.  Failure to continue to search, to continue to question, to continue to learn would result in stagnation, which results in stunted growth and insufficient peace and enlightenment.  It is settling for less than what you could achieve and would result in a lesser understanding of and relationship with the divine. 

The purpose of this blog is to discuss my spiritual journey, which is ongoing and will undoubtedly continue as long as I am drawing air into my lungs.  How did my journey, which began in the Catholic tradition and wound through Protestantism to where I am now, which is currently located somewhere amidst Progressive Christianity and in the vicinity of a spiritual Twilight Zone?  I am somewhat astonished and sometimes bewildered how my journey has led here, although looking back I can certainly see many of the signposts and crossroads that led me in this direction (but no Rod Serling, thank goodness!).  While I hope that others may find my journey and musings interesting and perhaps even helpful at times, I must admit that one of my main reasons for writing this is to hopefully help me develop a better understanding and a clearer picture of this journey,  a journey of discovery that has often been filled with wonderful insights, learning and growth, but also filled with tremendously painful angst, questioning, doubts and even fear. 

In subsequent posts it is my intent to discuss my views on many topics relating to this journey.  These will include how I traveled along this path, how and why my beliefs have changed or been discarded, the angst and fear I have experienced, and more.  I will examine many topics, including (but not limited to) how the Bible was formed, who actually wrote it, and whether it is reliable and/or useful; the Atonement; the Resurrection; homosexuality; the roles (if any) of men and women; the virgin birth; the Christmas stories; who was Jesus and how he became to be considered God; is Jesus the only way to God, and so many more. 

I have not reached my current beliefs and conclusions (well, nothing is concluded!) idly.  I have read and studied literally hundreds of books and articles on these subjects, as well as watched countless video series and listened to dozens and dozens of podcasts.  I have discussed and debated these topics with pastors, religion professors and folks of various faiths and persuasions.  I have struggled mightily and arduously to reach the point where I currently reside, but won’t be surprised one iota if my opinions and beliefs continue to evolve and change.  That is the essential part of this journey and is necessary for increased understanding and growth.

While I hope you decide to continue along this journey with me, I feel I should warn you that much of what I discuss and/or espouse may be … or likely be … different from what you personally have come to believe.  That is perfectly fine.  It is certainly not my intent to offend or even convince you to rethink your beliefs.  Far from it.  Rather, my intent is to openly discuss how I have arrived here and provide my reasons for having reached this point.  I profess to few certainties in my beliefs, but one I do feel certain about – and it is certainly heretical in most Christian churches – is that there is NOT only one path to the divine.  I have stated often to others that I don’t care how you find the divine (God, if you will), just find Him (or her, or whatever vernacular you feel comfortable using).  What I do hope is that you read and consider my musings with an open mind, understanding that we can disagree and still both be a child whom God loves and cherishes.  In my mind, faith is certainly not an “I’m right and you’re wrong” situation.  I do not believe any faith has a monopoly on or exclusive rights to truth. 

I certainly welcome comments and insights, but want to firmly state that it is not my desire for this to become a forum for spiritual debate, as these often devolve into name-calling, hurt feelings and sanctimonious “holier-than-thou” attitudes.  There are numerous sites one can visit to participate in such debates and discussions.  I don’t fear such discussions or debates; indeed, I have a group of wonderful men and women of all spiritual persuasions (including self-proclaimed atheists!) who meet monthly at my home to discuss and debate controversial and tough spiritual topics, many, if not most of which would be considered heretical by mainstream faiths.  I find, however, that online forums are not the place to debate and discuss these types of tough issues as they can be extremely polarizing, resulting far-too-frequently in angry shouting matches and “I’m right and you’re wrong” accusations.  Frankly, I have no time or patience for that, and this is not the forum for those types of antics.  As such, I will review all comments before they are posted. 

So, here we go.  After prolonged angst and procrastination, it is time to chronicle my journey, perhaps more for my edification and spiritual and mental health than for any benefit or inspiration it may provide to others.  Put on your hiking boots, grab a beverage, and walk along this journey with me.  You are welcome here.